Programmed for failure

The title is weird ,but I assure you many can relate !  I am seating at a café right now , writing on this platform ,because it’s honestly the only thing that calms me at times, or that’s what I tell myself  . Let me tell you a secret , I AM GUILTY !  Guilty  of not being where I am supposed to be right now( which is important).  Guilty of crying over a broken ( not so broken) new laptop which cost me a kidney , guilty of  making the  same mistakes I swore I wouldn’t make , guilty of procrastinating important stuff and letting my fear get the best of me , guilty of thinking I  got it all under control when in reality I don´t f*kn know what the heck I am doing with my life .

help

I´ve been making speeches, writing thoughts about , how you shouldn´t let your fear  get the best of you , yet ,I let mine do .  I am a hypocrite I know , you know , if you don´t , we have talked about this before!

Why did I choose this title , I kept telling myself  today and for a while now  that I am programmed for failure , which could be true but not really . Note :I stick to all the thoughts and everything that I have written here before.

No one is set to fail , you and I just haven´t found the right tools to work with.  During my break down today I literally googled ” set  to fail ”  and found an art

icle called “Are you programmed for failure?” by Huffspot #notsponsored, and thought it would be fun to respond to  it  based on my own life experience.

I don´t think I am a failure, I just think I am just to scared to try , to scared to learn and to learn that I might not be good at everything.

According to the article you are only fit to be a failure if I am:

  • Struggling financially -Well, I am ! But that is mostly because I am not doing anything to change my situation apart from working on my degree, which is an investment.  But I am working on changing that and it is something that I am sure it is something that I can overcome , with hard work and discipline , which I don’t have right now but looking forward  ,yay.
  • Failed relationships  (It is funny because I’ve written about this before)- most of my relationships failed , but I am still trying to work on me , cause I think I am the reason why most of them fail, as in , I don’t really know what I want , and most of the times I am pretending to be someone they would like instead of being myself , which is tiring and I end up losing interest , or they do ! Plus I have the crazy conception that perhaps sex ruins everything !
  • Keep attracting the wrong type of people – been there , done that!  I do attract the wrong type of people , mainly because I have a hard time saying what is on my mind and I let people get away with a lot of things , and I am badass people pleaser .
  • Overweight – Guilty AF!  In my defense , I was going to start exercising and get a gym membership but then the shutdown happened . And I seating at home , watching Netflix and having 6 meals a day isn’t helping.
  • Stressed – I do stress a lot , that]s a fact! I just got to learn to relax more.  It’s just that , I am too relaxed when I shouldn’t and too stressed when I shouldn’t.  Believe me , the same mind that creates the problem can fix it , just change the way you think!  A thought that has helped me tremendously is :
  • do you
  • Suffer from anxiety – yes I do, I was in a very different place when I started writing this post , mind you it was before the quarentine (3 weeks ago) , I do suffer from a lot of anxiety.  I was so anxious just about going into a video lesson, I couldn’t do it.   To emphasise the stressing point .
  • Do not get along with your family or other people – well, I do get along with people I know and know me . I am socially awkward and I hate texting or talking on the phone for that matter , especially small talk , I hate small talk , I find it very awkward , and whenever I try not to be awkward I end up making it even more awkward, so I avoid it , because I never know what to say.   Plus most of the people of the people I know don’t even make an effort , which I do at times and it’s like truly difficult for me, it doesn’t help if it’s always one sided.
  • Always sick –  I don’t remember the last time I got sick .
  • Chronically tired – I]m always tired , even after waking up!
  • Feel like I’m suck – I do feel as if I am stuck , but mainly because of my life choices , I feel like  I am living someone else’s life and dreams .

Well I am not going to go through the whole post but , so far I guess this was a good way to self analyse, and I just realise  I have to put more effort in my life , I have to find what drives me , discover new passions and learn how to discipline myself  and maybe start  looking at life with a positive mindset, I hope I learn how to transform my inner self .   Feel free to self analyse yourself and write it in the comments if you don]t mind.

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