Ever wondered why you are not getting the results you want? I am sure You have said one of this or similar phrases I will leave it to destiny! if it is destined to be it will be! There is nothing wrong in having faith but what if I told you by doing so you giving up the only power you have !
Don’t get all hyped up, you don’t have any kind of MARVEL superpower at least none that I know of ( if you do share the details), in fact this power is better than any Marvel heroes superpower because it’s not fictional at all but like any other super hero you have got to learn how to use your superpower. Some of us are so bad at managing it that end up giving it up consciously or unconsciously ? I know right who could give up something so amazing ? I am aware that you are probably confused and asking yourself what in the world I talking about (I love suspense) … ladies and gentlemen your superpower is none other than THE POWER TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE.
With great POWER comes great responsibility
We have been given a life with 100% OWNERSHIP yet with no manual instructions. We all have been trying to make it work but it doesn’t always work at least not the way you want it to, do you want to know why ? Because we are too busy being a victim than the Hero that we are supposed to be .
A victim of life
You and only you choose how you feel;
We have all been victims of life physically or emotionally, some of us have been betrayed , felt unappreciated , not having the respect you deserve ,had accidents, don’t have the amount of friends you wished for, didn’t get a promotion , was late for college/office , unpleasant events in general, and it’s healthy to acknowledge the feelings that come along with all those experiences yet there are people that take these feelings to a whole another level ( me included). These people see being a victim as their identity, like the world is against me type of thing, they have a victim mentality. Those with a victim mentality are always being victimized by their own MIND. “Just stop thinking that the world is against you , you say “, only if it was that easy ! it’s not easy AGREE but it is also not impossible.
The idea of this post is to help you break free , you can’t control your circumstances but you can control how u respond to them.
Do you have a victim mentality??
- Everything is negative – most of the times you feel like life is not in your side or that you have been given a really bad set of cards.
Once you replace negative thoughts by positive thoughts ,you will start having positive results:
- You ask yourself why a lot – we have talked before in a different subject the importance of question everything ,the difference between the other article is when you have a victim mentality , you ask yourself why a lot “ why everything in my life has to be hard” , “Why can’t people just leave me alone”, ” why don’t people understand me ?”.
You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars:
- You ruminate a lot -you keep churning over emotional upsets, and nothing seems to workout for you “ I never seem to get this and that” , ” why bother because I always ….”
Refuse to entertain negativity. life is too big and time is too short to get caught up in empty drama;
- You don’t think highly of yourself – being your own worst critic , I remember when someone told me once that I was my worst enemy , that heat me hard but it was true . You think of yourself as damaged goods meaning you don’t deserve good things.
It’s not what you are that is holding you back , it is what you think you are not .
- You get angry first – Your first emotion is anger and you are often resentful of other people’s gains. “why do things only happen to X but never me”. ” She doesn’t even need it ” ” x is always getting the good things “. Does any of this sound familiar?
Anger is a weakness in an insecure personality;
Sometimes you can slip into the victim mindset in certain areas of your life,it can be subtle but persuasive enough to hold you back or lower your self esteem , remember the power we talked about early , this is how you can get it back and here is how :
- Create small goals- Build your confidence by creating small achievable goals ,think of this as ” started from the bottom now we are here type of thing “, or like crosswords , you start on an easy mode , then medium and suddenly you solving difficult crosswords, if you are someone who is convinced that good things never happen to you , you have to retrain your mind , so that it knows that you can win at something even if it is something small then you have to give yourself time to reflect or ruminate on the small accomplishments with the intention of moving on to even bigger accomplishments.
The man who moves mountains, begins by moving small stones ;
- Give to others – Turn your attention to giving to others , victimization brings neediness and the needier you are the bigger are your chances of being disappointed when your needs aren’t met ( click here for more on this topic!). So adopt the approach of getting by giving first , meeting someone else’s needs allows you to rise above the victim mode and by being someone’s hero . There is a lot of satisfaction that you can get from loving or showing love to others which will automatically give you a reason to love yourself. And when you love yourself you built a protection around yourself to guard against future hurts.
No one has ever become poor by giving ;
- Make a gratitude list – when you have a victim mentality you find yourself complaining more about what you don’t have than focusing on what you have, change your perspective by spending more time counting your blessings when you write this things down and you can remind yourself of these things later when you slip back into feeling sorry for yourself .
The struggle ends where the gratitude begins;
- Closure – get closure on past hurts , this may involve forgiving someone, or even forgiving yourself, you maybe blame yourself for making the same mistakes or trusting the wrong people. First you need to understand what draws you onto making these bad decisions ( which will take some work) ,and you might need help , but once you have a good handle on your pattern you can easily press the reset button and trust that you can move on and make better decisions in the future.
Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did … Let it go…
- Take ownership of your decisions- No one can make you feel a certain way without you allowing it , if you are around people who make you feel bad , maybe because of their critical review, then you gotta limit your contact with them because they are not helping you ( constructive and destructive criticism are different ), and sometimes you don’t have the option to never seeing them because it is a family member or maybe a parent in that case set an emotional distance between you and that person , to protect yourself from being hurt by them.
- Don’t let past hurts define you , identify what triggers that victim mode so that you can put it behind you, you have the power to get rid of that victim persona yet it will be a daily on going process which requires effort , trust yourself and become the person you are meant to be.
Nothing outside you has power over you ,you decide how you think feel and do things in your life . Take full ownership and become free.