If you want to know how to stop being a fool, you have to understand what makes you a fool. If someone calls you a fool it’s an insult. You have accepted a label given to you by others, but when you acknowledge it by your own means, that you are a fool ,it means you are smart enough to have realized that, therefore you are a “smart fool”. So what type of fool are you?
A Fool comes in all colors and shapes but they all have one thing in common , they are Humans. “Are you saying because I’m human ,I’m a fool?” No my dear fellow human, what I am saying is your actions and the way you respond to life events determines your level of foolishness. Confused ? Let me explain but first stop clouding your judgment. Deal? Great!
Are you a nice person?
Don’t overthink just say yes or no. I will assume it is a yes. There is nothing wrong with being a nice person if you are an “A” person. An “A” person is nice to be nice , however it’s wrong to be nice if you are a “B” person. A “B” person is only nice because she needs approval. Which type of person are you? An “A ” or a “B” person? If you are an “A” person that’s really cool I think my work is done here , however if you are a “B” person , I am afraid we need to talk my dear fool.
The truth behind a “B” fool
Hey you, don’t be afraid I am one of You and I came in peace .
Fear is the foundation of a “B fool person” it consists of fear of being rejected, fear of being judged, fear of not being good enough, fear of being alone , You know how it goes ,It literally ruins your mental health. But we don’t want that. do we?
Guide to turn a “B” into an “A” fool
Do not be nice if what you seeking is approval. Ask yourself WHY ? What is the motive behind your action, why are you doing what you are doing? Eg: John and Lucy are co-workers. Lucy have been in the office since the previous night trying to meet a deadline , John gets to office and notices that Lucy is falling asleep ,John goes to the cafeteria and gets two coffees , one for him and one for Lucy. Let’s say you are John , did you get Lucy a coffee because: a) you want Lucy to see you as a nice guy ? Or b) you are genuinely worried about her? If your answer was b you are one step closer to becoming a “smart fool”. if your answer was a don’t worry it’s just the first step. Change your behavior – stop being dependent on other people’s opinions, start being more self aware and having more self believe.
Being a pleaser
I’m guilty of being a people’s pleaser but I always try to remind myself that “People pleasing hides the real you“. Whenever you are in a situation where you are about to go back to your old habits , ask yourself “IS IT WORTH IT?” It’s nice to make people smile and all ,but not at the expense of your own happiness. Dear John,
- Don’t say YES, when you want to say NO.
- Start telling people when you are disappointed
- Hold them accountable for the things that they agreed to do and or should be doing.
- Stop holding your feelings
Let’s see if you understood : John has work until late, but it is his night to cook dinner ,because he is going to be late ,John asks Alex (his roommate) to get the vegetables ,Alex agrees. John gets back from work ,and for his surprise ,Alex did not buy the vegetables as asked. Lets say you are John , Do you a) ask him about the vegetables? And tell him to go get them as he promised , b) say nothing , go buy the vegetables and cook dinner for both of you or c) don’t cook , order food and eat in front of him. I must say I am compelled to tell you to choose c, I mean come on , you know he deserves it but kudos to you if you chose a you are what they call a “good Samaritan”, but if you chose b remember: IS IT WORTH the mumbling we all know well, the resent of doing it, resenting your friend ,and the resent of being resenting your friend?the frustration knowing that you can’t complain because you were a sucker. start telling the truth , stop pretending that things are okay when they are not. “YOUR HEART,MIND AND MOUTH SHOULD SAY THE SAME THING”.
3. Do you!
Take care of yourself first. Stop being a victim of your own thoughts. Dear John, stop being so negative.
- You are not being selfish if you have a life, stop trying to fix everything
- People will not always like if you say “No” and that is fine.
- Say no if you are uncomfortable.
- Stop allowing people to take you for granted.
- be honest about what you are saying NO to
- Stop over explaining
- be kind when saying NO
Always ask yourself “DO I WANT TO DO THIS?” Do you John? do you really want to? Let’s see if you understood : Alex has a flight at 4 pm he is going home for the weekend. The airport is 3 hours from his apartment ,Alex asks John (who has work in that same morning at 7 ),if he can take him to the airport because he likes his company better than of a UBER driver . Let’s say you are john a) Do you take Alex to the airport, b) You tell Alex You can’t as a 6h drive would not give you enough time to sleep for work and well it just doesn’t make sense. C) you pretend you are sick. If you said a congratulations I am one step away from giving up on you, if you said b I just want to know who is cutting onions?if your answer was c ,I guess the c stands for coward. This will sound a little bit awkward but read carefully ” Do not burden yourself with the feelings of others , be proud of doing the right thing. YOU CAN’T means YOU CAN’T.
CHOOSE YOUR PATH
This it ,if you read this until now, you understand that is solely about YOU, I gave you directions and that’s all, now you take the wheels.
A fool does not have an issue hearing and receiving knowledge but doing and acting upon the knowledge that has been perceived.
If you have read, acknowledged the issue and is willing to change for good ,I just have one thing to say” WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS ?
My dear new “Smart fool” here is a last tip from someone who is very proud of you:
- Moral and ethical courage
- Hold your ground- I’m not saying you should start one but don’t run away when conflicts come
- Stand up for your beliefs
- Accept your mistakes
My dear B fool
For you my dear fool who is planning to go back to his old habits after this: Don’t do the foolishness of reading this and doing nothing, that is just foolish. I really hope you re-read it ,until you get the point , but if I can’t change your mind I have good news for you , there is an advantage of being a fool :”you can’t really worry about it because your still too busy finding ways to please others” . ENJOY THE SHADE.
Thanks for reading.